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Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Sex Reviews
Author: Captain Cranky Pants
Date: 2005

Reviewed by A. Bomire (Inside Erin: The AIF Newsletter, Volume 1 Number 10, November, 2005)

Basic Plot 

This game is based upon Tecmo's Dead or Alive series, and specifically takes its name from the Xbox game "Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball". Don't worry if you've never heard of, or played the game as knowledge of the game isn't necessary. 

You play a worker at an island resort where a volleyball tournament is taking place. Apparently the volleyball tournament is limited to girls who spent most of their previous time in various forms of competitive combat. You've come across a series of codewords that can be used to disable or slow down the reaction times of the various girls, and have decided to use that knowledge to your advantage in fighting and then having sex with the various girls. 

Overall Thoughts 

Not being much of an Xbox player, or a big fan of Tecmo's games, I had never encountered the girls in this game. That didn't affect my game play at all, and I doubt being familiar with the games would have helped either. My feeling is that the game has little to do with the normal plot or game play of the Dead or Alive series of games. 

The game is a first effort for the author, Captain Cranky Pants. And, it both feels and plays like that. There is very little effort at creating a real game in the traditional sense; it is more a series of sexual interactions strung together in a common setting. The author gives due warning to this in his "read me", stating that the game is more for players looking for sexual interaction instead of puzzles. 

Puzzles/Game Play 

As stated above, there are only one or two puzzles in the game, and even those are simple. Since a couple of them do use non-standard (i.e., "guess the verb") wording, the author has politely provided a walkthrough with his "read me". For the rest of the encounters, the game play is very straight-forward. 


There aren't any real game-stopping problems with the game, but the game is sprinkled with many other technical errors. The spelling and grammatical errors sprinkle almost every scene. There are many scenes where the text of the encounter runs counter to the description of the girls. For example, the encounter text may state that the girl removes an item of clothing but her description when you examine her still has her completely dressed. Or, it may state that the girl even leaves, but she will still be there when you "look". These technical glitches are distracting, but they don't really interfere with completing the game. 


The one saving grace of the game is the sex scenes. There are quite a few of the scenes which are well done, even hot. Be warned, though, that all of the scenes follow or are part of some sort of fight scene. This may be a turn off, especially a couple of the scenes which more-or-less amount to raping the girl either as part of or following a fight. In all of the scenes, the girl ends up enjoying the encounter, but still this is a little off-putting. 

If you are looking for traditional encounters, you will be disappointed. The various body parts aren't implemented and neither is any interaction with them. Captain Cranky Pants has limited the encounters to responding to a specific set of commands, and only those commands will work. (Again, those commands are outlined in the provided "read me".) It does mean that you don't have to worry about which sexual command to use first (ex. Do I rub her tits before her ass?), but players looking for a less controlled encounter may be disappointed. 

Final Thoughts 

As I mentioned at the top of this review, this game is a first effort by the author, Captain Cranky Pants, and it feels that way. While the many of the sexual encounters are well written, it is really offset by the other problems that this game has. And while I enjoy a good sex romp as much as the next guy, this game’s almost complete lack of puzzles left me with a somewhat unsatisfied feeling. 

Rating: D+

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