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Big Stuff Reviews 

Author: Vachon
Date: 2003

Reviewed by Purple Dragon

Basic Story
You play an 18-year-old boy who is staying with some friends of you parents.  The aforementioned friends are currently away for some reason leaving you in the house with a bevy of very willing young ladies to amuse you.  The basic object is to fuck anything that has tits (so far, so good).

Overall Thoughts
This was quite a large game (or at least had the potential to be).  There are over 30 rooms and 9 girls to have your way with. I say potentially because if you completely remove any trace of a plot then it really cuts down on play time and leaves you with just a string of sexual encounters.  Now, if the sex is well written then sometimes that’s enough but unfortunately the sex is . . . well, we’ll get to that.

There are a lot of bugs in this game (and saying ‘a lot’ is just me being generous).  If I were beta testing it instead of doing a review I would probably just throw up my hands and admit defeat.  I’m not going to start listing them all here but if, after reading the rest of this review, you still decide to play it just be prepared for a frustrating experience.

Puzzles/Game Play
The puzzles in this game are all finding an object (usually a book), giving it to the right girl, and then fucking her.  It’s true that this is not very imaginative but I guess it’s fine as far as it goes.  The ‘puzzles’ themselves are all pretty straightforward except for the first one where you have to figure out how to get out of your room.  However, since that is more a ‘guess the verb’ problem than a puzzle I will discuss it under the technical section below.

I have already mentioned the spelling and grammar problems that make reading though the responses more of a chore than a pleasure.  Unfortunately, that is not the only problem with the sex in the game.  Even if it were rewritten with the spelling and grammar corrected it would still not be very interesting.  The same sexual commands are not available for all the girls.  Sometimes you can rub a girl’s breasts, sometimes not.  Sometimes you can type ‘fuck girl’ sometimes you have to type ‘fuck girl’s (or ‘girls’ actually.  Vachon had evidently never heard of an apostrophe) pussy’.  It all just seems rather random and the only way to figure out the right command is by trial and error.  The writing itself is sophomoric, prosaic, and at times nonsensical in a way that has nothing to do with spelling errors.  To put it bluntly, if you are looking for hot sex, this ain’t it.

Before writing this review I had never really played the game before.  The reason is that the first time I tried I was unable to get out of the initial room and frankly didn’t care enough to keep trying.  I suppose I should warn you that this is a spoiler but I don’t think I can spoil the game any more by telling you this so here we go.

You start the game in the guestroom, which is where you are staying.  The door is locked for some unknown reason so the first ‘puzzle’ is finding a way out.  I think it might be easier to just see a small transcript of the first few turns here.  My comments below are in [brackets].

Guest Room
This is a guest room. It is the room in which you live, at least for now. Joe and Kim, those who own this place, have told you that you will get your own room soon.They have just not made it yet, so for a while you will have to live here, not that you mind, it's good to have some place to stay. Because this is the guest room, there's not much in it. It has a wardrobe in one corner, and of course, your bed. It even has a bookshelf, for storing books (of course).Though neither the bookshelf nor any of the books in it are yours, your travel bag is in front of your bed, on the other side of the door there is a window which has lots of trees behind it. On the side of your bed you see a small table[It’s writing like this that made me not want to try too hard the first time I played and this is actually pretty clear compared to some of the responses you get later on.]

>x bookshelf
This is a bookshelf that stands from floor to ceiling in your room, it doesn't have many books in it, and most of those you don't understand the language on  A Book about medical care is inside the Bookshelf.

>take book about medical care
You take a Book about medical care from the Bookshelf.
[You have to type that whole thing.  Just typing ‘take book’ won’t work.  If you do play this game (for some reason) then the auto-complete feature in Adrift is definitely your friend.]

You can't go in any direction!

>x door
Nothing special.

>open door
It's locked
>unlock door
You can't unlock that.

>x bag
This is your bag which you had with you when you came here. It contains some of your things, it stands just in front of your bed

>open bag
You can't open the Bag!

>x bed
This is your bed. It's quite big (as everything in this house), and colored red.

>search bed
You find a key, which you take
[When I first played this it took me a bit longer to find the key.  I tried the wardrobe (which evidently doesn’t actually exist).  I tried things like looking in and under the bed, which don’t work.  But ok, I guess ‘search bed’ is fairly logical and at least now I have the key and can get that door opened right?]

>unlock door
You can't unlock that.

>open door
You have already done that.
[I did?]

>x door
Nothing special.
[Nope, still no door in sight and this is about where I quit before.   I might have eventually happened upon the correct command but I frankly didn’t see the point in continuing.  At any rate, here is the command you need.]

>unlock bag
you unlock the bag using the key, A door opens
[Ahh, now I see.  The bag was evidently locked (although it was never mentioned) and unlocking it triggers the door (huh?).  Well, now the rest of the house is open to you and you can fuck cardboard cutouts to your hearts content.]

Final Thoughts
By now you may have gotten the impression that I didn’t care all that much for this game (to put it mildly).  I really tried to think about how I would rate it if the language problems were not an issue.  It feels a bit incomplete and rather boring but all in all, not the worst game I’ve played.  Without the spelling and grammar errors I probably would have given it a D.  However, it is simply not possible to separate those problems from the game at large and adding them into the equation, I’m sorry to say, brings the grade down to an F.  This was (I believe) Vachon’s earliest released game (‘Relatives’ came out earlier but it was updated and since that is the version I’m going to review I will do so in its proper place) so, giving him the benefit of the doubt just this once, I will raise the grade a bit.  Join me on my insane quest to rate them all and see if time and experience will improve this first time author’s games.

Rating: D-


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