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DELRON
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Drive-in Reviews
Author: Douglas C. Rogers
Date: 1987
MS-DOS
What does AIF stand for? Adult Interactive Fiction. If you likely to be offended by games with sexual content, you are advised not to open these files.
Reviewed by Robb
Dear God, this is Robb Sherwin on planet earth. I know
it's been far too long since I've spoken with you. I haven't been even a very
good Methodist. I apologize for that. I have to admit that recently, I've been
quite scared of the future. It struck me, the other day, that I'm now twenty-six
years old. Twenty-six years. Sure, I think I have a good thing going right now,
but it has taken me over a quarter century to get my life to this point.
Previously, I have lived my existence with, I should admit, a certain smugness
because I always had on my side the glamour of youth. Most of my friends were
three years older than me, so my young age was, of course, somewhat reinforced.
It's not working out that way anymore.
I've done a lot of living in the last couple of years. I've moved from the town
that I suppose I used to presume I'd die in, to this place in the mountains
which has all the opportunity I've ever wanted. I guess I've been able to make
something of my time here on this little jewel of a world, in a very small way.
But I'd been constantly tortured by my past. I... I guess I just have a lot of
things that were unresolved.
Girls I should have told my true feelings to. Classes I should have studied
harder for. Friends I should have made more of an effort to stay in contact
with. Family members I should have spent more time visiting. It's all slipping
away, this "time," this "life." I don't know. I've been thinking about what is
west of the mountains recently. Do you remember that game I used to play, over
at Jeff's house? I think it was for the Turbo Duo. It Came From The Desert was
what it was called. I know this seems foolish, but being this close to, well,
the desert, I've had a real sense of wonder as to what lays out there. There's
just something about being able to look out and see the stars. Knowing everyone
who lives in your little speedbump town personally. Having a skill, I guess,
that no-one else for 250 miles around you has. And, I guess, even the love of a
funny, passionate, desert-born woman. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to live life
at a somewhat slower pace.
It's hot in the desert, though.
But I think I can manage it. I know I've always been a kid that has loved the
snow, the rain and the sleet... but maybe I'm changing a bit in that regard as I
get older as well. See, even though I've been a lazy Christian, I think I have
recently gained an appreciation of what it must be like to spend some time in a
blistering inferno.
I recently downloaded Drive-In off the GMD text adventure archive. I can't
imagine the brimstone-inspired devil's circus that is Hell to be much worse than
forcibly spending an evening attempting to play this "game." No, really. It, for
example, did not support any sort of "examine" or "look" verb. It featured a
help system designed to intentionally cut off help during the game's only
marginally interesting bit. It... it allowed me to get "lost" by moving two
rooms to the west, as if I were role-playing a species of drooling cumgoblin
that didn't have a basic sense of direction to get back to his car where a sexy
girl was. Did I mention that your only recourse is to re-load a game or start
over after getting "lost"? I should mention that. From start to finish, Drive-In
was one of the most anti-intuitive and poorly programmed "computer game" I have
ever had the sad misfortune to play in my life.
What? Well, the author knew how to turn CAPS LOCK on through, presumably, an
assembler command. Or something. And... well, his game still works correctly
after 13 years of Microsoft internal changes to its DOS.
But, no, really. I have looked the endless inferno which is my possible
damnation straight in the eyes. And I have not flinched. I think, really, I can
now handle the temperatures I might see in, say, Nevada or Arizona during the
dog days of summer.
So... uh... well, I'm not looking for a sign or anything, or any kind of
indication from you as to whether or not I should move. I think I'm going to try
to get a "second opinion," though, and just see what happens. I found another
game based in the desert; I bought it off eBay. (eBay's this crazy on-line
auction thingie that lets you get old stuff other people don't want anymore). I
hope this new one will give me the rosy feeling that "It Came..." gave me. It's
called Leather Goddesses of Phobos II. We'll just see where that takes me, okay?
Please bless mom, dad, Mike and Corky. Thank you for everything.
Amen.
Simple Rating: 0.7 / 10
Complicated Rating:
Story: 0 / 10 (You're at a drive-in. You need to have sex with a girl. I realize
I'm describing plot, but work with me here.)
Writing: 1 / 10 (Is it the shoddy programming which makes me hate the writing,
or the sparse, questionable writing which makes me loathe the programming?)
Playability: 0 / 10 (Someone make the bleeding stop.)
Puzzle Quality: 0.6 / 10 (There's some potential here... to see it developed
fully, play anything by Newkid.)
Parser Responsiveness: 0 / 10 (Possibly the worst parser I have ever
encountered)
Reviews should be considered copyrighted by their respective authors.
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